Her wings are clipped, she cannot fly.

It was Saturday. I woke up at my usual time. I had my breakfast and I wanted to go to Melamchi for buying some stuff. I headed out at 9 AM to catch the bus. When I entered the bus, there was one girl inside. I chose the other row to sit in because I wanted to enjoy the view. Suddenly, I heard a voice- “ Didi…. Didi”. I turned towards the girl and looked at her to see if she was calling me. Her eyes were pretty and she looked like a teenager. She asked me if I would like to sit next to her. I looked at the toddler next to her and assumed that some elderly person would come to sit there. Also, I am particularly not the type who enjoys talking while travelling so, I said — “the bus is pretty vacant so I would love to sit by the window. We exchanged smiles and we were waiting for the bus driver.

There were no other passengers and this girl seemed to be interested in talking to me. ”Didi, you seem new here, what are you doing here in Nawalpur?”, she asked. I said I teach in Shree Nawalpur Secondary School. To that, she immediately replied-” Oh, are you from TFN?” I could see a glow in her face when she said TFN. Do you know TFN?- I asked. Yes of course! I was a student of Riya( Alumna, name changed) and I passed SEE from the same school nearly two years ago.

Now, this was interesting to me. She was a talkative girl so I didn’t have to ask her any questions, she started telling me how bright she was, how she was this TFN Alumna’s favourite student, how she led the assembly, how she led every group works in class. She mentioned that she knew English better than anyone in the class and how good she was in academics and extracurricular activities. After hearing all that I couldn’t stop smiling. Pictures of my own students were sliding in the back of my mind. Sopheeya, Prerana, Alina, Pema, Sumitra, Sabina, Dolmo, they were exactly like her I thought. Then, I asked which college she was studying in. Her expressions suddenly changed when she replied “I didn’t get into college.”

Shocked, I couldn’t stop asking why. She turned towards the baby and said “this is my baby.” For a moment I was stunned, I was not sure what to say or how to react. I just couldn’t show an excited face asking the age of the baby. I was clearly not happy when she said that, neither did I pretend. Just when I was processing everything the bus driver arrived and started the bus, the other passengers also joined in so, we stopped the conversation there.

I realized my mood had suddenly changed. I didn’t pay attention to the song that was playing through my headphones nor enjoyed the view. I was processing and contemplating everything she said from the beginning. I wanted to ask her many questions but I wasn’t sure if I had the right to ask. I was thinking about all the students that came to my mind earlier. What if my students don’t get to college, what if my students end up getting married or having kids at the age of 17. What if my dream for my students shatter like this? I was disturbed but I wanted to talk to her. What made a bright student like her end up in a situation like that? Was she forced into marriage? Did she elope? After half an hour, the bus reached Melamchi. I got down and saw that girl waiting for me. She requested me to company her to the public toilet because she felt uncomfortable carrying the baby alone. I companied her and carried her baby.

After she came out of the loo, I asked her if she wants to have tea with me. She agreed because she knew her baby was hungry. We went to the local tea shop and started our conversation on a lighter note. I asked if she was forced into marriage. She said she eloped. She was a little embarrassed when she said that but I made sure she knew I was not there to judge her. I just wanted to know why she ended up like that, why she had internalized that as her fate, and why that happened to a student who was once a TFN Fellow’s favourite student. Perhaps I was scared of the reality. I was scared that some of my bright students would end up like that.

I asked her about her husband if he was a teenager like her? She shared an awkward laugh and said “No you will be even more shocked to know that my baby’s father is 42 years old and I am his second wife.” I was devastated. The voices in my head started scolding her for screwing her life like that…why did you do it! WHY! But this time I pretended to look normal. She started telling me how the man (now her husband)who also happens to be her best friend’s father allured her to make her fall in love and how she ended up eloping with him. She started blaming herself. I just kept listening and didn’t utter a word. Then she shared how she found out that she was pregnant. She went on talking about the difficult phase when she wanted to terminate the pregnancy but she wasn’t able to do so. Her talks made me feel like she had lost all her hopes for the future.

I looked around and there were a few other ladies listening to her story too. She was comfortable in sharing all these things with me actually. I thought I’d just ask her one question before we part our ways -” Is this situation okay for you? Are you happy?” Now, this is something I will probably never forget in my life. She said, “Didi imagine you are excited about an educational tour and the person taking you to the tour has said a lot of exciting things about the destination and you dream of it as the most exciting, thrilling, and joyful ride of your life but in reality, nothing is close to that. How would you feel?

There I got my answer. The only thing I felt right saying to her was to get into college and study. And I did. I told her if her parents were supportive they could look after her baby and she could complete her college education. To which she smiled and said, “Let’s see!”.

This whole encounter made me feel miserable for her. I started questioning myself- How many girls are getting stuck up like that? In Sindhupalchok, girls are getting into this trap of early marriage and pregnancy. Eloping and early marriage are taken very lightly and normally. Young girls have internalized the fact that their ultimate goal in life is to get married, have children, and look after the house. What is the point of giving education to girls if they are not given the option to choose the jobs of their choice? What is the point of giving girls education if they are only giving it for the sake of giving or out of compulsion? What is the point of giving education to girls if they are ultimately forced to settle and work at home? I have heard some people say “Because they will be educated wives” which makes no sense at all. Why do they need to learn maths, science, social studies and computer then?

After spending around one and a half years in Sindhupalchok I have observed and come to understand that the major setback of this community is not just Eloping and Early Marriage but ‘Orphanhood and Abandonment.’ Early Marriage is just the beginning of the larger problem. The girl I met on the bus is just one out of many who hasn’t completed her higher education and who is stuck up in a difficult circumstance. There are many girls marrying at such early age and they end up going to Gulf countries for work or sends her husband to work. And this has been ruining the precious childhood of hundreds of innocent kids here. The majority of the kids coming to my school carry the same story. They are either orphans or being raised by single parents. Some are left with grandparents. There’s no proper care or parenting. Kids are literally growing without love and care. Needless to say, second marriages and third marriages despite being illegal, is still existing and trending. And the same vicious cycle repeats over and over again.

At present, I am worried about the future of these girls. The beautiful bird was meant to fly but her wings are clipped and she cannot fly.