I came back alive from an impromptu, spine-chilling trek to Panchpokhari.

As a teenager, bungee jumping, skydiving, and the idea of flying always fascinated me. I would dream of doing all these adventurous things when I saved my own money. But after I started earning, I don’t know what changed, these things had already started disappearing from my mind. For some reason, I’d deny going for a bungee jump or river rafting. I had started taking myself as a less adventurous and daring person because of this. However, after my first trek, I think I have started to believe in myself all over again. I have started to live life as fearlessly as ever. So, If you are reading this because you want to know how to go for this trek, you should stop. My write-up doesn’t give you information about the route or the cost of this trek. The sole purpose of jotting this down is to share an experience of my first trek and how I felt.

Panchpokhari, Sindupalchok(2 days, 4100m)

Friday, 12th March 2021

Morning greeted us — early If I remember correctly. The chill was in the air and the warm tea in Deurali felt life-saving. When we started trekking from Deurali, I was walking slowly. It was almost as if we were in no rush. We had no instructors to guide us. It was just me and Dikshya didi making our way to Tuppi Dada where we could eat our lunch for the day. After lunching at Tuppi Dada, I quickly called my parents to let them know that I’d be unavailable for the next two days as there was no network on the way. When I finished my lunch, I was told that it was 13–14 hours of walk to Panchpokhari from Tuppi Dada. Never had I walked for that long in my life. In my mind, I was thinking about how I was going to pull off this fourteen hours long HIKE-turned-TREK without any preparation! On the way, I remember constantly asking Dikshya didi if we were walking on the right trail. She told me that the trekking trails were never confusing and there were simple signals to look for. I saw some drops of yellow and orange paint on enormous stones. Having seen that I felt relieved that we were on the right track. As I was climbing up hills, I was taking a break every 2 minutes to catch my breath. Why couldn’t the trails be straight? Why did they make such a difficult way to Panchpokhari? — I grumbled almost nine hundred and ninety-nine times. While we started walking, me and Dikhsya didi listened to music, talked about some crazy experiences of life, and much more, but as we moved on we didn’t talk much. I guess it was more comfortable not talking. The feeling of having someone to just walk with me felt enough. And surely, until halfway, someone from the other side would always appear — like a sign to keep the faith.

As I walked along, completing 5 hours, I kept telling myself — just a little more. I remember occasionally stopping to look around the majestic mountains, the gorgeous stream, the varieties of trees but a little voice inside my head kept saying — “for now just keep walking.” I couldn’t see any end to it. I walked and walked for hours. I also bumped into a friend in the middle of nowhere. He was super skeptical about the fact that I and Dikshya didi would make it to Panchpokhari on time. Of course, he didn’t want to discourage us but he had just returned from the top so he knew what lied ahead. He asked me to return with him as the journey was more challenging ahead. Not listening to him, we headed again. This time, there was nothing that could stop me or Dikshya didi.

I walked ahead at my own pace. I didn’t wait for anyone to show up and tell me how long I still had to go. I didn’t feel like talking to Dikshya didi either. It was a time for self-contemplation. The misty mountain was everything I wanted to see. Beauty — they say lies in nature. And they were right. I have traveled to the hills and mountains before but never had I experienced them the way I did that day. When I saw those tiny cottages on the way it reminded me of hope although there was no one living in those cottages. We were trekking in the off-season and it was freezing cold. The trails, cottages, bushes everything was covered with five feet of snow. It was a lot of snow for my visual field at once. In addition to that, walking on the slippery ice, I forgot the number of times I fell down. After an hour or two from Nusyampati(3700m) my legs were on the verge of giving up. My foot had started killing me. Thanks to my physiotherapy knowledge, I managed to stretch my muscles in between. I could still feel the soreness but going all the way back to the place where we started wasn’t an option — especially after climbing uphill for crazy ten hours! Every time I stopped and looked, I saw valleys and mountains, sometimes green and sometimes snow. When you see such elusive, mysterious, and breathtaking views, you can feel the vastness of it all, you feel like a tiny speck of dust in this Universe. And in my mind, I knew no camera could do justice to the picture my eyes had grabbed. That was real, not edited, not photoshopped, not commercial. It was just the purest form of nature!

The little hut at a distance kept telling me that I was almost there. The feeling of walking with no one behind you or no one ahead of you — at least none that you see — was scary but satisfactory at the same time. As the destination was getting nearer, my peace and confidence were turning into anxiety and apprehension. My body was tired and I couldn’t see a sign that told me that I was near. Honestly, there were a lot of points where I felt like giving up. It was getting darker and the thought of walking in the slippery ice at a crazy height scared the shit out of me. On one side there was an enormous rock to hold onto but on the other side, there was nothing but death facing right back at me. This particular moment led me to a spine-chilling encounter with death. Face to face! I started quaking in my shoes. It was 6:30 PM and the sun had already set. There was no sign of food, light, water, humans, animals, or whatsoever. However, I knew I still had few miles to walk. So I walked and walked and walked.

Despite my hurt feet, exhausted body, drained mind I walked. There were a couple of moments when Dikshya didi had to give me the push and other moments I had to do that for her. Our phone batteries were dead because of the temperature. We were both panicking because it was dark and the trails were too slippery and we had no idea how far or how near we were to the Pokhari region. It was difficult to navigate the route because after some point we couldn’t find any footprints to follow. I think I was almost going to pass out. Not sure if it was because of the stress or the altitude but my mind and body were totally giving up. I remember telling Dikshya didi that if I were to slip from such height —she wouldn’t be able to find me at any cost and nobody would be able to even trace my body. My trekking shoes on the other hand was no good for the snow. It was my first time in the snow and as much as I was enjoying it in the beginning, I started to hate it eventually. I was finding it relatively safer to walk uphills because the danger of slipping in the snow seemed lesser like that. The upper trials of Panchpokhari were ridiculously scary. It was up and down. One moment we were climbing up and the other moment we had to go straight down. Going down was particularly scary for me. It was dangerous as hell. In some places, I literally sat down, crying and telling myself that if I return alive, I would never think of doing something like this again. I started thinking about my parents, my friends, and everyone who would miss me if I was gone. I recalled each of their faces. It pretty much felt like the last moments of my life. I think I even prayed to every god that I could possibly remember in such a desperate situation.

I and Dikshya didi screamed for help a couple of times — “Is there anybody?”, “Hello?”. We knew that our voices were not loud enough but we kept trying in vain. It wasn’t the first trek for Dikshya didi, She had already trekked to various other mountains alone so, I started asking if the stories of “YETI” were real, or if there were any other snow animals that could possibly attack us. Perhaps, I was going paranoid. And because of my fear, Dikshya didi was panicking too. She was trying to console me saying that she had been to worse trekking routes and that nothing bad was going to happen to us. Somehow her words were helping me to move forward. The trials were so narrow that they couldn’t accommodate both of us walking together and we knew holding hands would make it worse. So, we walked step by step, very meticulously. After a point, I told myself that I was not going to look down or even to my left. I told myself that I would only look on the right side of the trail and hold on to the giant rocks. I was following Dikshya didi’s footprints in the snow. I was neither looking right nor left but only focused on the footprints. In doing so, both of us didn’t realize that we had passed four huge hills in no time. Back in my mind, I was already imagining the challenges for our return. After all, we had to return through the same path. There was no other option. These four hours were one of the most stressful and terrifying hours of my life. Trust me, it was! I had never felt this scared of death. It was just one of those moments for me when I desperately wanted to be safe and alive. I wasn’t even bothered about my growling stomach, my cold feet, or my tired body. I was only looking for one sign or one voice that would tell us that we were safe and not alone. Fortunately, nothing bad happened, and after about four hours of a nerve-racking journey, we started seeing some tiny cottages ahead. Finally, a light fell upon a board that said “Welcome to Langtang Region” and that was a moment I still wanted to cry. We looked around and we could smell a strong scent of ‘Dhupi’, an incense, coming from somewhere. It was pretty evident that it was done by a “Human” and not “YETI”. So, we screamed again — “HELLO? Is there anyone?” A voice replied — “I am here, I am here”. That was all I wanted to hear. We went near and found out that he worked for the lodge and he was the only one there. So, it was just him and his partially opened lodge. Honestly, it was enough. It was 8:30 when we reached there and he said someone from Deurali had informed him that we were coming on our own. Looking at both of us, he expressed his surprise and appreciation for our bravery and courage. Because it was dark and late, he had also thought that we had returned. As for me and Dikshya didi, It was freezing cold so, all we wanted to do was to sit near the firewood for some time, eat something and go to sleep.

For some reason, I and Dikshya didi didn’t get proper sleep that night. There were very few people staying in the lodge including us. I guess we were too tired to sleep. However, the next morning was magical. Right after stepping out of the door, one could see snow all around and the frozen Paanchpokhari. We played in the snow, danced, took some pictures and made some random videos. I felt victorious. I felt alive. It was one of the surreal moments of my life. I had completely forgotten about my pain and exhaustion for a while. I had completely forgotten about the journey. I relished the tiniest second I stood there. I knew that moment was never going to come back. I knew in a second that I was going to miss that feeling of elation, euphoria, or whatever they call it.

And at that moment I realized that we all go through some phase in our life where we doubt ourselves and doubt our existence. We totally forget who we are on the inside. We get so comfortable being in the bubble that we stop taking risks. When I thought that I was going to die, I was only thinking about the people that truly mattered to me. In such a crisis, I found my thoughts to be clearer than ever. My first trek made me realize that life is too short to not take risks. Life is too short to not have such exhilarating moments. Most of all, life is too short to be lived in a bubble. The inner you will always find you I guess. It was pretty clear that day, the inner me, the real me is adventurous, daring, fearless, and brave. Therefore, I promised myself that I am going to live for such moments. I think I have started to understand now when the trekkers talk about the adrenaline rush or their obsession with the trek. I know exactly what they are talking about now. There were lots of moments when I told myself that I was never going to go for treks again in my life but Can I? I am pretty sure that I am going to do this again. I can’t wait to do this again. My first trek was not easy, I don’t think any trek is, but the point is I have decided to go for more treks whenever I can. I have decided to take the risks.

So, this one is for exploring new mountains, new heights, and a whole bunch of new adventures and new possibilities!

Phew! That was long! I know! But thank you for reading it till the end.

Toodles!